I was walking in San Francisco along the Golden Gate Bridge when I saw a man about to jump off.  I tried to dissuade him from committing suicide and told him simply that God loved him.  A tear came to his eye.

I then asked, “Are you a Christian or a Jew or a Hindu, or what?”

He said, “I’m a Christian”

I said, “Me, too, small world, Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant”

I said, “Me, too, what franchise?”

He said, “Northern Baptist”

I said, “Well, me, too.  Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist”

I said, “Well, call Ripley!  Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reformed Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist”.

I said, “Remarkable!  Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, ” Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region”.

I said, “A miracle!  !  Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region of 1912.”

I said, “Die Heretic!”

And I pushed him over!